And it feels good. I’ve been on a blogging/writing hiatus for a long time while doing some serious soul-searching. I had a big year this past year. I graduated from university, started a new university program in a new field, switched jobs, ended an intense two-year volunteer commitment, moved, took on a mortgage, and tried to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life in a time when young people are receiving unprecedented amounts of information about what they should be doing with their lives. Let me tell you, it has not exactly been an easy ride. Especially since I’m not exactly a person who takes kindly to change. But I’ve learned a few things:
- There is time. I’m 23. While I’ve taken on way more responsibility this year than I have ever before, I’m still so young. I need to embrace that. I can still wear neon nail polish, eat an entire pizza in one sitting without consequence, pull all nighters, and try out different things to figure out what I want.
- No one can tell you your life. You can only read so many bullshit Thought Catalog articles about just how much travelling you should be doing in your 20s, or how many people you should date before you can settle on just one, before you lose your mind. If there’s one thing I really don’t need, it’s someone else’s idea of how 20-somethings should live their lives. No one can tell you who you are or what your life is.
- Sit with the uncertainty. You know, my favourite life stories are never the ones where the person had it all figured out from the beginning. The best ones are where the person really just let themselves live and saw where that took them.
- Be open. It’s easy to get into a mindset where you view yourself as being a particular way; a person who does certain things and doesn’t do certain things, especially as you get further into adulthood (…said the 23 year old. hehe). It’s easy to close off options for yourself without even really thinking about it. Once you start to let go of those self-imposed limitations, even a little bit, the world starts to open up in a whole new way, and life gets so exciting. Seriously. It’s like being fifteen again. (And say what you want about fifteen year olds, but I doubt I’ll ever be as raw and real as my young teen self.)
It wasn’t my first existential crisis and I’m certain it won’t be my last. Because no matter how much responsibility I take on or how much practical shit I have to deal with, I don’t ever want to lose that part of myself – the dreamer, the wisher, the artist. Living life is an art. I always want to be chasing that life where you can be the best version of yourself, you are always living to your fullest, where you feel like you are doing exactly what you are meant to be doing.
So that’s where I’m at. It feels good to be back! And boy, do I have a lot to say.